You’ve probably heard parenting experts say that you shouldn’t lecture your teens because lectures don’t work. But if you’re a parent of teens, there’s a good chance that you sometimes feel like you can’t help but lecture your teens because you feel like you need to educate them about how they need to make better decisions.
You’ve probably heard parenting experts say that, “You shouldn’t lecture your teens because lectures don’t work.” But if you’re a parent of teens, there’s a good chance that you sometimes feel like you can’t help but lecture your teens because you feel like you need to educate them about how they need to make better decisions.
Explaining the rule, The 3 S’s:
Author Marty Nemko talks about how you have just one minute to make your point.
He explains that you need to think of it like a traffic light. For the first 30 seconds, you have a green light and your teens are paying attention to your lecture. Then the light turns yellow for the next 30 seconds.
During this time, your teens are hoping that you’ll wrap things up. The light turns red once you reach one minute. at this point, your teen will start to tune you out so if you want your lectures to be effective, keep them to one minute or less.
The 3 S’s How do you do that while still getting your point across? I have a golden strategy that works wonders. I call it the 3 S’s:
1. Step into your teen’s shoes.
2. Share your feelings,
3. State your request.
Here’s an example;
To show you how the 3 S’s work in practice. Let’s say your teenage son comes home 20 minutes after his curfew without texting or calling. Let’s imagine that this is the first time something like this has happened.
Of course, it’s natural for you to be angry, but it’s crucial to stay calm. Take a deep breath to regain your composure. Then take the time to understand the situation from his point of view. After you’ve done this.
Apply the first S:
Step into his shoes. You might say something like this to him: I know you were having fun with your friends. so I understand that you lost track of time, and you didn’t mean to get home late.”
This statement shows empathy.
Now it’s time for the second S:
Share your feelings. This will help him to understand your perspective better. You might say to him: “But I started to worry that something bad had happened to you.
I was afraid that maybe you had gotten into an accident. When you didn’t pick up my calls,
I became even more anxious. Your tone of voice should convey your love and concern for him.
Try not to sound angry or exasperated.
At this point, you can move on to the third S:
State your request. You could say something like this:
So, in the future, if you’re going to be home late, I would appreciate it if you sent me a text or called me to let me know. Please do this before the time you’re supposed to be home.
Maybe you could set an alarm on your phone 15 minutes before you’re supposed to be home as a reminder to text or call if you’re going to be late.
Since this is the first time your son has come home after his curfew and he was only 20 minutes late, this gentle approach would be suitable. But of course, if this behavior has been repeated several times, then a firmer approach involving logical consequences would definitely be in order.
The short lecture I just described lasted less than one minute, but it got the point across in an empathetic manner. The lecture would have been far less effective if you had gone on and on for 30 minutes about how your teenage son needs to develop a sense of responsibility.
admin